Dear John McCain,

Listen. You’re probably not a bad bloke. You’re a republican, but I won’t hold that against you. I just saw you on The View and I thought you made some decent points. But it is time to face facts. You are fighting a losing battle here and I’m not talking about Iraq. I’m talking about the comb-over. I’ve mentioned it here on the blog previously.

You’re bald.  We all know you’re bald. You must know we all know you’re bald. You know you have a comb-over. We all know you have a comb-over and we all know it doesn’t hide the fact that you’re bald, it simply draws more attention to it.

Be a man and cut that hair off. You’ll feel better. We will all feel better. You might even get more votes. And there won’t be the ever present danger that a gust of wind will pick up all that hair and the press will get a shot of it. You won’t feel like you need to wear a hat on a windy day.  Younger voters will give you props. Gay men will applaud you – some of them might even throw Thank God He Got Rid Of The Comb-Over At Last parties. Women might finally begin to respect you and men will congratulate you.

Anyway, I just think you’re not doing yourself any favours with the pretending you’re not bald thing. You’re old enough and ugly enough to accept reality, right? If not, you shouldn’t be running for President. :)

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11 thoughts on “Dear John McCain,

  1. It’s not a combover so much as his hair is making a surge to the other side of his head. He’s grows it over here so that he doesn’t have to grow it over there.

    Mission accomplished!

  2. I think that was rather harsh and even though I wouldn’t vote for him why must an individuals looks be blatantly attacked? Who cares, leave the old guy alone. I always admired your willingness to help other people, I’m surprised at the superficial attack.

  3. Jude – it is because he is potentially going to be the next president of the United States, and he simply must face up to reality. If he can’t do it with his own bald head, how can he possibly do it with any of the important issues he is going to face?

    It’s not an attack – it is me trying to help the poor guy. I don’t know what is going through his mind. I don’t know why he thinks it is ok to try and pretend like he has real hair by growing it long on one side of his head and then deliberately combing it over to meet the hair on the other side of the head. Does he actually think we all think this is real hair, that we can’t tell what he is doing? Seriously?

    I didn’t just post this here, but I sent in a contact form on his website to beg him to please get rid of it..

  4. Not to be inflammatory, but I think when you are running for President of the USA [who interject so much into world affairs it means the USA prez impacts so much more than only Americans] you can’t really be left alone.

    You want to rule the USA, and the world to some degree, you put yourself out there for commentary.

    Besides, nothing can be said about McCain, that is ruder than stuff he says himself. His comments about Chelsea Clinton years back when she was only 14 were horrible, and lets not forget his repeated racial slurs and bashing of an entire race all the way through the 1970’s to 2000. Don’t see why he should roll around saying nasty stuff, while everyone else is expected to be nice to him.

  5. There’s David Gergen, the very model of the insider, under his precarious comb over

    can’t someone tell David G, like his wife maybe, that his combover looks so stupid and makes him look like a stupid vain man. ????

    and McCain too? what;’s wrong with theese men? eveyuthing,.

    if nothing else, maybe MCCain combover will make Newsweek ro TIme do a feature on the psycholgical reasons men were combovers, so stupid and vain…..grow up John, Grow up David….look Rudy got wise, Olmert got wise they looked better too, you can too

  6. Interesting, Carl Levin, who used to sport a terrible awful combover, has seen the light and gone full handsome forehead. and he looks much better for it. When will David Gergen see the light? When he’s ready…..can’t push these things….patience, gang…but after Rudy and Ehud and Carl, now it’s Gergen’s turn. He will, when he is ready. or when someone politely tells him to….and he listens

  7. From a former combover man to a current combover man: Anonymous but with a good heart and the best of intentions, sir!

    Dear David Gergen,


    Your recent TV appearances on CNN with Larry King and Anderson Cooper have moved me to write to you on a personal matter that has been troubling me about you for sometime.

    I too had the misfortune to lose my hair, as is the way with so many men of a certain age. I too chose to artfully comb what remained in an attempt to conceal the fact. There were certain angles from which you could view me (usually if you were sitting and I wasn’t) where you genuinely couldn’t tell that I had lost my hair – or at least, at my most delusional, I could persuade myself thus.

    However, the combover years were not happy ones. Sport in particular gave rise to much awkwardness, as it gave my opponents plenty of ammunition with which to unsettle me. I often rose majestically into the air to head a football, and then faced the anxiety of starting the Bobby Charlton rearrangements even before my feet had hit the ground. [Bobby Charlton was one of the stars of England’s 1966 World Cup-winning soccer team, who lost his hair at a young age and resorted to ever-more-elaborate combover arrangements in a ludicrously vain effort to conceal the fact; readers might wish to substitute, say, Rudy Giuliani.]

    A gust of wind was also incredibly unwelcome, unmasking me as it did in front of total strangers.

    My anguish was put to an end one afternoon, when a colleague at work put his pencil down and said: “I simply cannot sit here a minute longer with your hair looking like that.”

    He took me by the hand and sat me down in a barber’s shop with the simple but life-transforming instruction to the man in charge – “Take it off.”

    It was interesting that, phoney as the combover had been, and as much I knew in my heart that it fooled no one, it still took my colleague to force the issue. This took place a dozen years ago, and I have often reflected how deeply I am indebted to my now former colleague; how he released me from such tension and awkwardness.

    Mr. Gergen, I would like to perform the same role for you. I simply cannot scream “Take it off!” at the CNN TV screen anymore. Believe me, it is a liberating and life-affirming experience. Unafraid of being unmasked, you will have an immediate spring in your step, a key stress release for any TV talking head or PR guru.

    You are going to need a steady nerve and clear thoughts in the difficult days ahead, and I would never be so arrogant as to suggest which PR courses you might steer for the US presidential candidates. But on this issue I do feel qualified to weigh in.

    Take my PR advice. Get rid of the lid, and you will be far better placed to talk your way elegantly through the next Larry King show — and be viewed in a much better light by TV viewers across your great country and around the world.

    I write this letter with the best of intentions and a warm heart. I hope you are not offended.

    — Yours,

    Anonymous For Now

  8. Sunday, July 13, 2008
    Carl Levin has ditched his awful, silly combover! Is Gergen next?

    U.S. Senator Carl Levin, Democrat, Michigan, has ditched his awful, silly combover! Is Gergen next?

    See how Ehud Olmert’s looks improved dramatically when he got rid of his awful combover in 2006? Following in footsteps of NY Mayor Rudy Guiliani. Now US Senator as seen on CNN on July 14, 2008, has lost his combover, too, and he looks so much better! When will David “PR guru” Gergen see the light and get rid of his combover, too? When he’s good and ready, that’s when. And that’s okay. Give him time. He’s only 66. These things take time.

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