Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference
Back in the days before the reality tv show Temptation Island existed, I met with a man who can only be described as a powerful force – a cyclone perhaps – of temptation in my life. He was tall, blonde, devastatingly handsome in an Aussie Bloke kind of way and he possessed a set of legs the likes of which I have never seen since. He also enjoyed wearing the shortest of short football shorts and Rexona musk deodorant which on him took on a new fragrance I cannot describe at all other than to say it made my brain turn into complete spaghetti.
When *not* in his presence, I was happy to admit that he was financially a nightmare – he spent money like water. I spent money like water. The two of us together would have spent our way into a large financial black hole. He was also emotionally damaged and drifting through life without purpose, having been the driver of his car one evening on the way home from a function where he had not been drinking but the roads were wet and he was in a ute and the back end spun out when it hit some loose gravel. The passenger side of his car ended up wrapped around a tree. Sitting in the passenger seat at the time was the love of his life. He woke up having been thrown from the vehicle with two broken legs and was trying to make his way back to the car when help arrived, at which point he passed out. Some hours later when he regained consciousness in hospital, they told him that his girlfriend had died. He would not let ANYONE sit in the front seat of his car from that day forward – male or female.
I met him at work. He came in to buy something. He bought it from my boyfriend at the time, who I worked with. As well as the rest of my family – both parents, sister, uncles and aunts. At the time I felt completely trapped, like life was moving forward at such a fast rate of knots and I had no power over anything. I really didn’t know what I wanted in life. But from day one there was something between us and neither of us were sure exactly what that something was.
So, we all got to be pretty good friends. This was back in the days when I had a huge group of friends. He would visit the share house we all lived in (a story for another time) fairly often, but so did a lot of people. I used to cook the dinners in the share house and all the boys would be out working on cars or something, but he would come in and chat to me while I was working. I thought it was just me, that I was the only one who felt anything until one day and I can’t remember how or where or anything except he told me that if I wasn’t with a good friend of his.. I can’t remember the words really, I just remember thinking wow, this is heavy stuff. What do I do now?
Logically we talked about it. We discussed the complete explosion that would be created if we did get together. We discussed the fact that he was not comfortable making any kind of move while I was still with my boyfriend, and neither was I. We discussed the fact that I was not comfortable breaking up with my boyfriend without knowing more or having some kind of future plan. We discussed the fact that he did not like future plans. We discussed the fact that he and I were both financially irresponsible. And, we discussed the fact that we were both just plain crazy about each other. Endlessly. And at the end of all the discussion, we decided the most responsible thing to do was to do nothing – other than accept we weren’t going to be together because neither of us (me especially) were prepared to turn our lives upside down for something we knew nothing about.
As time went on and it got closer and closer to my wedding day, he told he he thought I was doing the wrong thing getting married, and I agreed with him. I didn’t know how to get out of the situation I’d put myself in. He didn’t know how to help me. Underneath it all for me was this feeling that I was meant to be with him. However the wedding was a like a Japanese Bullet Train and I didn’t know how to stop it – and I thought if I tried, I might just get run over by it.
I could just end the story there, but that isn’t where it ended. One night, weeks before getting married, myself and a few girlfriends had gone on a girls night out. The boys had all gone on a night out of their own. Adelaide was a small town and we were having our respective nights out in Hindley Street. So that increased the chances the boys and girls would meet up at some point.
I was young and I also drank a fair bit, back in those days. By the time we met, in a nightclub I cannot remember the name of, I was fairly drunk. He was also drinking but nowhere near as drunk as I was. What I’m about to tell you might change your opinion of me, I’m hoping not, but I’m taking a risk here telling you.
I have no idea now how it happened. I cannot tell you how we got from inside the nightclub to outside the nightclub. I cannot tell you how we ended up in each others arms. I can tell you that waking up the next morning to see him lying next to me, I felt terrible, but not for the reason you might think.
You see, after we’d decided to get a taxi back to his place, he’d gone back inside. My husband to be’s brother had spotted us outside, and cornered him to discuss what was going on. Said brother was very drunk and didn’t remember anything later, but at the time he’d threatened to punch my temptation island’s head in if he touched me again.
By the time we got back to his place, he’d already decided not to let anything further happen. I was still fairly drunk, but he’d told me what the brother said, and put me to bed where I promptly fell asleep. When I woke up I was panicked. Would brother remember seeing us? Would this mean the wedding was off? But at the same time, I *hoped* he would remember. Because I was hoping for salvation from this doomed wedding train.
No salvation came to me as a surprise, and a few weeks later I got married. My temptation island was there. He danced with me, and we both brushed tears of regret away while we danced. I have not seen him in many years but I wonder where is is now.
I often wonder about the choices I have made in my life. Would I have ended up here if I had chosen differently? I’m happy where I am now, I’m glad I’m with The Other Half – who is financially responsible (well, more than I am, he loves his gadgets but it isn’t bankrupting us). who is happy to make future plans, and we’re crazy about each other. I know that this is where I am meant to be – I just wonder, would I still have got here if the brother had remembered?
The topic today is meant to be too much of a good thing, I’m not sure this fits – it might be not enough of a good thing but the other post I wrote ended up getting too personal for me, and I’m mentally drained after going there.
This is a post I wrote some time ago but did not post, I felt it was too personal. However reading it over today having just written a much more personal post I’m feeling ok with it.