The Hump Day Hmmm – My own personal temptation island.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference

Back in the days before the reality tv show Temptation Island existed, I met with a man who can only be described as a powerful force – a cyclone perhaps – of temptation in my life. He was tall, blonde, devastatingly handsome in an Aussie Bloke kind of way and he possessed a set of legs the likes of which I have never seen since. He also enjoyed wearing the shortest of short football shorts and Rexona musk deodorant which on him took on a new fragrance I cannot describe at all other than to say it made my brain turn into complete spaghetti.

When *not* in his presence, I was happy to admit that he was financially a nightmare – he spent money like water. I spent money like water. The two of us together would have spent our way into a large financial black hole. He was also emotionally damaged and drifting through life without purpose, having been the driver of his car one evening on the way home from a function where he had not been drinking but the roads were wet and he was in a ute and the back end spun out when it hit some loose gravel. The passenger side of his car ended up wrapped around a tree. Sitting in the passenger seat at the time was the love of his life. He woke up having been thrown from the vehicle with two broken legs and was trying to make his way back to the car when help arrived, at which point he passed out. Some hours later when he regained consciousness in hospital, they told him that his girlfriend had died. He would not let ANYONE sit in the front seat of his car from that day forward – male or female.

I met him at work. He came in to buy something. He bought it from my boyfriend at the time, who I worked with. As well as the rest of my family – both parents, sister, uncles and aunts. At the time I felt completely trapped, like life was moving forward at such a fast rate of knots and I had no power over anything. I really didn’t know what I wanted in life. But from day one there was something between us and neither of us were sure exactly what that something was.

So, we all got to be pretty good friends. This was back in the days when I had a huge group of friends. He would visit the share house we all lived in (a story for another time) fairly often, but so did a lot of people. I used to cook the dinners in the share house and all the boys would be out working on cars or something, but he would come in and chat to me while I was working. I thought it was just me, that I was the only one who felt anything until one day and I can’t remember how or where or anything except he told me that if I wasn’t with a good friend of his.. I can’t remember the words really, I just remember thinking wow, this is heavy stuff. What do I do now?

Logically we talked about it. We discussed the complete explosion that would be created if we did get together. We discussed the fact that he was not comfortable making any kind of move while I was still with my boyfriend, and neither was I. We discussed the fact that I was not comfortable breaking up with my boyfriend without knowing more or having some kind of future plan. We discussed the fact that he did not like future plans. We discussed the fact that he and I were both financially irresponsible. And, we discussed the fact that we were both just plain crazy about each other. Endlessly. And at the end of all the discussion, we decided the most responsible thing to do was to do nothing – other than accept we weren’t going to be together because neither of us (me especially) were prepared to turn our lives upside down for something we knew nothing about.

As time went on and it got closer and closer to my wedding day, he told he he thought I was doing the wrong thing getting married, and I agreed with him. I didn’t know how to get out of the situation I’d put myself in. He didn’t know how to help me. Underneath it all for me was this feeling that I was meant to be with him. However the wedding was a like a Japanese Bullet Train and I didn’t know how to stop it – and I thought if I tried, I might just get run over by it.

I could just end the story there, but that isn’t where it ended. One night, weeks before getting married, myself and a few girlfriends had gone on a girls night out. The boys had all gone on a night out of their own. Adelaide was a small town and we were having our respective nights out in Hindley Street. So that increased the chances the boys and girls would meet up at some point.

I was young and I also drank a fair bit, back in those days. By the time we met, in a nightclub I cannot remember the name of, I was fairly drunk. He was also drinking but nowhere near as drunk as I was. What I’m about to tell you might change your opinion of me, I’m hoping not, but I’m taking a risk here telling you.

I have no idea now how it happened. I cannot tell you how we got from inside the nightclub to outside the nightclub. I cannot tell you how we ended up in each others arms. I can tell you that waking up the next morning to see him lying next to me, I felt terrible, but not for the reason you might think.

You see, after we’d decided to get a taxi back to his place, he’d gone back inside. My husband to be’s brother had spotted us outside, and cornered him to discuss what was going on. Said brother was very drunk and didn’t remember anything later, but at the time he’d threatened to punch my temptation island’s head in if he touched me again.

By the time we got back to his place, he’d already decided not to let anything further happen. I was still fairly drunk, but he’d told me what the brother said, and put me to bed where I promptly fell asleep. When I woke up I was panicked. Would brother remember seeing us? Would this mean the wedding was off? But at the same time, I *hoped* he would remember. Because I was hoping for salvation from this doomed wedding train.

No salvation came to me as a surprise, and a few weeks later I got married. My temptation island was there. He danced with me, and we both brushed tears of regret away while we danced. I have not seen him in many years but I wonder where is is now.

I often wonder about the choices I have made in my life. Would I have ended up here if I had chosen differently? I’m happy where I am now, I’m glad I’m with The Other Half – who is financially responsible (well, more than I am, he loves his gadgets but it isn’t bankrupting us). who is happy to make future plans, and we’re crazy about each other. I know that this is where I am meant to be – I just wonder, would I still have got here if the brother had remembered?

The topic today is meant to be too much of a good thing, I’m not sure this fits – it might be not enough of a good thing but the other post I wrote ended up getting too personal for me, and I’m mentally drained after going there.

This is a post I wrote some time ago but did not post, I felt it was too personal. However reading it over today having just written a much more personal post I’m feeling ok with it.

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Hump Day Hmmm, mistakes I made

13 thoughts on “The Hump Day Hmmm – My own personal temptation island.

  1. How brave you are. I think many of us write things down but then back out before hitting publish. Like you, sometimes later, after a bit of perspective taking, it feels o.k.
    Best wishes

  2. Thanks for sharing! You made me think about choices and what might have been. Your Temptation Island man sounds like he would maybe not be so good for the long run.

    ps: I hope you don’t mind me saying here that I think your kitties are very beautiful! I love calicos (if I do say so myself). I’ll be back!

  3. Thanks for sharing this at times I think it’s great to open up some of the personal bits of our lives. It’s interesting that you should mention your past in this post.

    A man from my past found me on Facebook today he sent me a note. We dated for a while about six year ago. I sent him an email today but i haven’t done too much past that. He gave me his number.

    In his email, he mentioned that he still thinks about me.

    Interestingly enough he just joined the site today. I joined a few weeks ago but really haven’t been on there, but yesterday I searched his name, but he wasn’t a member, and now he is.

    I definitely can relate to your story. I’ve had one man like that in my past in my case he was good for me in every way but the right way.

    Opal: Vegan Momma
    http://veganmomma.com/blog

  4. I have heard this very same kind of thing from many women. The wrong man.

    I admit that the dynamics of male/female pairing is far beyond my limited comprehension.

    This explained some.

    Sorry to be so disconnected. I simply don’t understand. :)

    Peace,

    ~Chani

  5. I think this is honest and personal and I’m glad you shared it.

    I do think it fits in…you know, it’s such a wide open topic.

    We do meet people with whom there can be a marvelous magic or connection but it’s just not meant to be…

    Yeah, I understand.

    Julie
    Ravin’ Picture Maven

  6. This is a great post. You have captured so much heart here, and I applaud your courage in telling the story. The sharing is special…and really, too much of a good thing–temptation or not–isn’t always the best thing!

  7. This was a very brave post for you to put up and I’m so glad you did.

    In some ways I think that temptation is the true test of a relationship. You know how your story ended. If your relationship hadn’t been as strong, it might have ended differently. You aren’t a bad person. Just human.

    And yes, I definitely think this fits in with the topic!

  8. Wow, you’ve really made me think. There have been things I’d wished had turned out differently in my life, but I realize that they’ve all shaped the person that I am and I’m happy with that person.

    You are really brave, what a wonderful, thought provoking post. Thank you.

  9. Mcewen – let me know when you get your blog, I’m looking forward to it. :) But why is it taking so long to create it?

    I think it was just less personal in comparison to what I’d just written. At the same time, I was worried I might have shocked people into not commenting! ;)

    Daisy – he would have been terrible for the long run. But damn, he was cute. I think your kitty is gorgeous and looking forward to the sea monkeys update which I’ll be dropping by to see soon. :)

    Opal – The other post I wrote would have opened a great yawning chasm into my past, in fact writing it sent me someplace I didn’t really want to go. However I need to take another look at it and see if I can modify it to be less painful and then post it. Will you be calling this Facebook man? ;)

    Chani – It’s something I don’t even think people who are paired understand. Why am I with the other half? Why does it just feel so right? It’s like that thing people talk about, soulmates, that’s how it feels. I think each of us has one (and maybe more than one) out there. I’d be utterly lost without him. Just thinking about it makes me tear up.

    Joh – thanks! ;) I think Aussie men are some of the most attractive in the world – we should call it temptation island! ;) hehe

    Julie – I sat on it for quite some time.. :) I wrote it after we’d gone out one night and I had seen this guy who looked a lot like my temptation island, it took me down memory lane. It feels good to have posted it.

    Liv – Thanks! ;) Yes, it was courage I needed to post it – and the fact that I needed to get something written fast for the hump day after spending a couple of hours on the other post which didn’t work. It was meant to be, I think.

    LawyerMama – I think the marriage was doomed from the start, but it taught me important lessons. I still wish I’d been strong enough to say ok, I can’t get married, this isn’t going to work for me. But the expectations of family etc were so huge.. and in that relationship I couldn’t really be myself because it seemed too *important*. I’m so glad to be in a relationship now where I can just be me, and still be loved. :)

    Laurie – There are some really nasty things I have gone through in life, and each of them have made me who I am today. I would not be this same person without those things. I’m so happy with the person I am, even though I had to go through some seriously dark places to get here. I hope you’re feeling better, too :)

    Thanks for the comments everyone! ;) Now this post is finally out there I feel relieved and happy. ;)

    Snoskred
    http://www.snoskred.org/

  10. i am with mcewen–this was very brave and forthcoming and i am glad you shared it with us. sometimes letting those things out and talking about them really help the process of understanding move forward.

    and, no, my opinion of you hasn’t changed. you are still snoskred and a good friend.

    and it does fit–maybe the whole wedding was really too much of a good thing. you know, they way people want us all to be married and happy and perfect? that “good thing” wasn’t perfect for you.

  11. Christine – exactly right, the good thing was the worst thing possible! But once you start that snowball rolling down the hill, it is really hard to stop it from going forward.

    Thanks for the comment! ;)

    Snoskred
    http://www.snoskred.org/

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