Snoskred - Life in the Country

Well, it’s Christmas and all. Tonight the ex-workplace had their Christmas function. Seeing as the other half still works there, he went, and of course my parents work there, so they went. I was left at home to contemplate my navel.

While doing so, I realised I’m really not mad anymore at the evil cows. I guess absence makes the heart grow less angry, or something. However, I do feel that I never got to have my say on things, and that maybe an idea might be to send Christmas Cards. Not like being all nasty and in your face and stuff, but more along the lines of “I’ve forgiven you and all, but one day Karma is going to be all over your ass for the way you acted, not just towards me but towards others, too and I hope that when it happens you’re the only one hurt by it and not your friends and family”.

Because I’ll be honest with you all. My Dad was not sent here to sort out this store because everything was all rosy. My Dad was sent here because the store used to turn over approximately 13 million a year, and it was down to about 2 million. That is one hell of a drop. Why it happened has been easy to work out - the former manager was never in the store, he preferred to spend his time at a local coffee shop and restaurant, and he trusted the staff (yes, this was a huge mistake on his part) to take care of things in his absence. He thought they cared - he was wrong. All they cared about was earning 50 grand a year to sit on their ass and chat with each other.

Many of the staff were on guaranteed salaries, they made up their own rosters (which involved working one weekend out of four, they now work three out of four) and they would order in stock for customers without taking any kind of deposit, and customers would just cancel anytime they liked, and the stock would stay out the back unsold. The stores are charged a fee by head office for old stock, and this alone was costing the store a fortune. There were 31 fridges out there which were special orders - as in, the customer asked specifically for the hinge to be on the other side, and that is done before the fridge is shipped to the store. There was a lot of stock that was over 2 years old. The place was a real mess.

While the former manager has to take his share of the blame for this disaster, to be honest a fair amount of the blame has to be given to the staff who were in the store as well. Realistically they screwed him over, and now they’re mad because they’ve got a reward (their Karma) for doing it - a new manager who they don’t like too much. A manager who has turned up and stopped their guaranteed extra $250AUD (yes, I’m not joking) a week. A manager who expects them to actually *earn* their $50,000 a year salaries. A manager who wants them to work when they are at work. Shock horror, how disgraceful! Yeah that new manager is a real asshole, yano?

That’s what is called Karma. That is how things work in the world. And for how those bitches in that workplace treated me, there is to be another karma, which will come to them as a surprise possibly years down the track. For the negative vibe they have put out there in their dealings with me will come back to them - and they will eventually pay the price for how they have acted. Who knows what that Karma is going to be?

I have let it go, I have to. I can’t hold this hurt and anger inside of me anymore. And I sort of feel like a part of doing that, something that might be helpful to me, would be to write them a card. It would be closure on my part, at least, and it might cause them to think about what they have done. So what do you think? I’ll have to find the right way of wording it, of course. Something like -

In science, they say that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In general life, this is known as Karma. I am a firm believer that what you put out there will come back to you eventually. I just hope that in your case, when that happens, it is yourself, and not someone else that you love, ie friends and family, who ends up getting hurt.

There was no need to treat me the way that you did. I still have no idea why you did it. It no longer matters, really. I can’t hold onto the hate, hurt and anger I feel about that, so I have forgiven you. I need to do that for me. I also need to express that my hope is when Karma does deal with you, it is kinder to you than you have been to me.

So what would you think about me sending something like that? Too nasty? My Mother will absolutely hate it, she will be so mad if I do it, but realistically I feel like it is something I need to do..

So first let’s remember that I’m not a doctor or a shrink or anything like that. But this is what I have learnt during my fight with the dark side. Because I’m in Australia, I know about stuff that is available here. If you are in another country and you can point people to the right places to get help, please leave info in the comments.

1. Diabetics need insulin - and depressed people need anti-depressants. You need to see a doctor, that’s the very first step. You can fight this without the drugs, but it will be a lot harder. And nobody would tell a diabetic - oh don’t worry, you don’t really need insulin, just push yourself a bit harder, you’ll survive. The chemicals in your brain are out of whack, and no amount of pushing, hoping, or begging is going to fix that. It is ok to take the drugs your doctor prescribes.

2. There’s a lot of help out there, but you don’t know where to look. That’s ok. If you’re in Australia, Lifeline does know where to look. It’s ok to call them and ask for help. In fact it is ok to call them and talk, that is what they are there for. I volunteered there, I used to man the phones myself. Believe me, the people on the other end would much rather get you on the line, with your depression, than the drunk men looking for sexual gratification. And they have a book, it’s huge, with every community service or other kind of help that is free that you can access, and they seem to have put a lot of it online, so check this out.. There’s help here too. Also check out beyondblue. If you are overseas, I don’t know where to send you but shoot me an email with your location and I’ll see what I can find. Or if you know of helpful places in your country, please leave a comment for others who may read this.

2a. What kind of help do you need? Well there’s plenty of options. I found it helpful to talk to someone. There’s free telephone counselling 24/7 with Lifeline, but they can also refer you to go and see someone face to face, either free or low cost. It is really useful to do that.

So now we’ve covered seeing a doctor, which is going to get you on the way out of that dark hole, and we’ve covered the possiblities as far as talking to someone, which is useful to admit you are in the dark hole and talk about what it is like in there, and strategies to get yourself out of there. But now what? Now, you have to put in a little effort towards your own recovery. The two things above won’t magically fix it on their own. So what can you do? Lots of things, but here’s the stuff that worked for me.

Get out of the house.

Walk for 20 minutes a day. If you can’t do this daily, then walk for at least an hour a week but get yourself to a beautiful location to do it.

We used to go to the Botanic Gardens, which were right next to the zoo. One day when we were driving past we noticed that members get into the zoo for free. So when I found out membership was so cheap it was less than a can of coke a week, we became members, and we would go to the zoo for our walks, often spending an afternoon or a morning just wandering about. Those of you in Melbourne have no excuse - membership to the zoo is a mere $77 a year with free entry to the zoo anytime you like, and you have one of the largest zoos in the country, plenty of walking to do there, and the gardens are stunning.

Volunteer.

One of the biggest problems with depression is that you want to curl up into a little ball and not look outward at all. This means you have plenty of time to focus on the negative thoughts and how you’re feeling. So instead of doing that, sign yourself up, make a commitment to some kind of volunteer activity. Make it something you want to do. If you want to work with animals, why not look at wires or nana or the RSPCA? If you want to work with people, there’s a million options, check out this site.

I did many different types of volunteering. I painted houses, which was a lot of fun. I went through the Lifeline course and worked on the phones there, which really taught me a lot and it was something I had always wanted to do. I volunteered at the zoo, tour guiding and doing watches on the animals. I’m choosing between three different options right now but I have to find some kind of volunteer work to do here soon.

Make lists.

Lists of things you need to do, lists of things you want to do, lists of things as simple as daily chores. There is nothing more satisfying than crossing things OFF the list when you have done them.

There was a time when I could not get out of bed, so the one thing on my list was to manage that, every day. There were some days I just could not do it, and I had to give myself permission to be ok with that, too. So I worked out that it was a good idea to pick one day a week where I did not have to do it, where I allowed myself to stay in bed if I really wanted to. And I found, once I gave myself permission to do that, it was not really something I wanted to do - I found I wanted to get up and do things.

Paint. Write. Knit. Sew. Create.

Reward yourself for doing the stuff you don’t want to do by doing stuff you do want to do. I painted things. I did ceramics (not cheap but I loved it). I learnt to play the keyboard. I scam-baited. I still do these things now.

Listen to music.

I think this one is really important, and I know myself well enough now to note when I stop listening to music, it’s one warning sign that I’m headed for that black hole. It’s also a good idea to replace the negative thoughts in your head with song lyrics, I found.

So that’s just a few of the things I did to drag myself out of that hole. They could work for you, if you’re down. Give them a try.. and feel free to leave comments with stuff that worked for you, or anything you want to say..