It’s 1:30am and my mind is wide awake. The other half went to bed quite a while ago now, and I don’t want to go in and read till I’m tired because it will wake him up. Much of this post won’t make a lot of sense. It’s ok, I just need to get it out.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but the one that keeps annoying me today is why did I place my faith in other people when I should probably have struck out on my own and created what I wanted to create, especially when those other people suddenly decided they didn’t want me to be involved in things to the same extent I originally was.

Those people let me down and yet, I continue to support them. Those people say nasty things about me when they think nobody else is looking. Well, people are looking and whether you like it or not, they have no good reasons to treat me badly, so they let me know what is said. And I don’t say anything, and I probably should, but I figure for the good of everyone, it’s better just to let them talk and try to show them by my actions that I am not the person they think I am.

I know this – I have done a lot of good things. I don’t talk trash behind peoples backs – if I am going to say something about you I say it to you. Maybe I should have done what everyone was urging me to do – create my own empire, make my own site, do my own thing, but that would have taken the focus away from what is really important, and it would have meant a lot of the work I have put into things would have to have been put into creating the empire, and realistically that would have been a waste of my time and energy.

People think I’m holding grudges, but I don’t. I’ve put the past behind me, well behind me – they are the ones with the chips on their shoulder and no real desire to remove them. I was told to build a bridge, and I did. And let’s face it, someone who said some very nasty things about me, and continues to do so from what I am told, recently I put a fair bit of effort in to doing something nice for them – for the good of the bigger picture.

People ask me why, when I was treated so badly by certain people, I continue to stick around. It’s a good question and one I find myself asking myself today. I have a little piece of paper on my desk. You might have seen it in the doll pictures. Maybe you can’t make out what it says, but it is the answer, and that is why it sits there on my desk, right in front of me, day after day.


It’s entirely true. What it says is – sometimes taking the high road is no fun at all.

It hasn’t been fun. I’ll be honest with you. I don’t enjoy the way certain people treat me. But the good things that have come from me taking that high road are very worthwhile and one day, maybe, those people who have been so unpleasant will come around and see my actual actions instead of making sh*t up. They’ll look and see and maybe they will eventually think – damn, she did that, even while we were talking crap about her? Even when we kicked her in the teeth, and then kept kicking her in the teeth, over and over till most of her teeth were missing? What would I have done in her shoes? Would I have stuck around? Would I have stuck it out? No f*cking way. I’d have resigned publicly, made a huge fuss, gone off and made my own site, and split the community even further from what it already was.

Right now today, I am truly wondering if this has been worth it, when people won’t let go of the past, and they still seem to think kicking me in the teeth is a great idea. And maybe what I should do is exactly what *they* would have done in my place – resign publicly, cause a huge fuss, go off and make my own site, and split the community. But I can’t do that, not because I can’t go make my own site, I have in house technical support and my own server is finally back online etc, but because I believe the community is split enough already, and further fractures will only do more harm.

It’s time. People need to stop trying to hurt each other, and remember why they are involved in any of this at all.

Today I did go make my own site. It’s actually for all my stuff, because now my server is back online I’ve managed to get things into one place, and some kind of order. It’s got all my scambaiting audios there in one place, well a lot of them anyway. I’m going to get back into doing more of that stuff soon.

mistakes I made, moving forward, moving on, people talking about you, scambaiting, taking the high road

More country..

Today I went to the hairdresser.

Back in Adelaide, I was pretty monogamous with my hairdresser. We’d been seeing each other since 1992. She did cuts, color, perms and even eyebrow and leg waxing for me. She also knew my family because their hairdresser was right next to our family business so going to see her was like catching up with a friend. At one point during our relationship, she moved from one salon to another, and I moved salons along with her. She was the only person to do anything to my hair for 14 years though my other half took on the coloring a couple of years ago. Wow, that’s longer than a lot of marriages!

So I’ve been here over 6 months now, and in fact found a new place to get my hair cut through my parents who moved here 6 months before I did. But it’s not the same, people. Of course not, how could it be! :)

But this hair place ONLY does hair cuts. You can’t ask for an appointment, you just show up and take a seat, and the next hairdresser free is the one to cut your hair. I’ve had three different girls cut my hair since I got here. I’m not sure if I am comfortable with this type of relationship. Yes, I admit, it feels a little *slutty*. Plus, I need an eyebrow wax and I have no idea where to go to get one around here. One bad eyebrow wax and you can be looking like a drag queen. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s a little strange.

Let’s not even get into the leg waxing – my other half colors my hair, and I thought well if he can do that, he can legwax as well. He really has too much fun with it, he just loves to inflict pain and we don’t have the facilities for it here, and he makes a heck of a mess with the wax, so I think we’ll call an end to those festivities.

So I guess the hunt is on for a proper hair salon then. A few months ago I got a flyer in my mailbox about someone who actually goes to your house and does it, or you can go to their place and it was within walking distance of here, but I can’t remember who it was or where they lived. In the meantime, I have to get tweezing – it is so much more painful than waxing.

country life, hairdresser, moving on