The Top 5 Funny Things Scammers Say.

5. The modalities have been finalized.

What a lovely word modalities is. It was essentially never used for the most part until the scammers brought it back into vogue – at least within the scambaiting community, we just plain love the word.. It means “The ceremonial forms, protocols, or conditions that surround formal agreements or negotiations”.

4. As you read this, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.

This one is used a lot by the scammers. It will often be combined with a tale about cancer that has “defiled all forms of medicine”. Considering that the definition of defiled is – morally blemished; stained or impure I’ve got a sneaking suspicion they have absolutely no idea what the majority of words in the emails they send out actually mean. Other than of course money, and Western Union and Moneygram, which in their dictionary = money anyway.

3. Be rest assured that this business is 100% risk free.

Is there anything in life that is 100% risk free? I think not. But once you know this statement is used to convince people to take part in something slightly dodgy, you will start to see the words risk free jump out at you from the most unexpected places. I’ve even seen it in brochures from banks. My advice is, when you see the words risk free, be afraid very afraid!

2. Message received, content well noted.

This statement is usually an enormous lie, because the chances of a Nigerian Scammer actually reading an email that you send is fairly low. In fact my previous email to them might have been full of curses and insults and they will still say this. If they had noted the content, I think they might be a bit upset with me and they might have something to say about the names I called them. Wink

1. I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise.

This sentence has spawned much hilarity among the scambaiters. If one scambaiter calls another scambaiter, the likelihood of the answering scambaiter saying “This call comes to me as a surprise” is about 99%. In fact the temptation to make the title of every post on my blog a variation of this is quite high. ;)

funny, scambaiting, scams

I may have created a monster..

The Other Half is truly one of the funniest men I know. Funny is a major point on my list of things a man must be in order for me to be attracted.. Some women would be attracted to this –


or maybe something like this –


but me, I don’t mind if a man looks like this –


or even this –


as long as he can make me laugh.

The guy in the above “tough love” picture actually looks a little like my other half. ;) and thankfully the other half does not read this blog. At least he tells me he does not.. ;) He knows I think that guy looks like him – it’s actually Mick Molloy who is a comedian here in Australia, and that picture was on a radio station poster which was all over the place a while back.

Like I say, the other half was already a very funny guy, but one year in the days before you could buy it on DVD the cable tv channel here ran a marathon of Seinfeld episodes, in order. I taped the whole thing. The marathon lasted four days. I’d never really watched Seinfeld much other than caught the odd episode, but when you watch it IN ORDER it is a lot funnier than the way a lot of the TV shows played it.

The reason I taped it was the Other Half and I often could not agree on what to watch while we eat dinner. Dinner time was one of the rare times we actually watched TV, and we could sit there and argue about what we should watch until dinner went cold. Movies were too long. We didn’t have DVD’s back then. Often there would be nothing decent on the TV at dinner time. He didn’t mind Seinfeld, I was willing to give it a try, and the episodes lasted for 22 minutes, just perfect for eating dinner. We became real fans of the show, and it somehow made the other half even more funny than he’d been previously. He can take any topic and go all Jerry about it.

I can’t really give you any examples of his funniness here, because when I write them down they don’t seem so funny. Let me simply say that not one day goes by where The Other Half does not have me laughing so hard I have to sit down before I fall down.

funny, The Other Half

Classic ad..

Thanks to a new blog on the Australian Blogs Community, the Adelaide Green Porridge Cafe – I have been looking for this ad for ages, it’s hilarious.. ;)

Now, inspired by this commercial finally turning up on you tube, I once again searched for one of my favourites and this time I found it.. ;) They’ve been there for ages but my searches never turned them up.

Both these ads are suited to my sense of humor. ;) They had some great print ads that went with them as well, which were funny. And I’ll leave you with an example of a not very funny ad which always manages to annoy my Mum.

funny, youtube videos

Morning Surprise

This morning I arrived at my desk to find this..


A closer view for you.


What on earth is on my desk, I hear you asking. Well, that’s Robbie Williams and Mark Owen. Yes, I have two Take That dolls. They have been an object of hilarious fun around the various houses I have lived in for some years now. Anytime I would have a party, a good friend of mine would find where the dolls were, and re-arrange them, pants around ankles, in some compromising position. Often I would not spot it until days later but whenever I did see it the end result would be me laughing until I couldn’t stand up anymore.

I don’t know why they are on my desk this morning, perhaps the other half was going through boxes or something, because I had not seen them since we left Adelaide.. But I did happen to get a couple of DVD’s when we went shopping the other day, one is Robbie Williams And Through It All which I listened to on Friday when I was making a cheesecake and it was really wonderful, and Take That The Ultimate Tour Live In Manchester which is their comeback performance on DVD. This I have not watched yet but it’s only a matter of time..

And yes, I know Take That are lame. I am well aware. But they were my Beatles, so shut the fuck up, all right? ;)

About Snoskred, funny, music, Take That

Yeah I’m plotting all right.. ;)

As a scambaiter, you do not want to give any tools to the lad that they could use to scam an actual real person. And the scammers do ask for things like id3ntification – p@ssports, driv3rs lic3nces. They want to make sure you are a real person, and they want to see you are cooperating.

So given that boredom has truly set in, I have spent some time in creating a few little masterpieces to send to them. I had a baiting mentee once who I believe was a true genius, and he was bcc’ing me on all the emails he sent to the scammers. One day I opened up the email and laughed so much it hurt. He’d sent them some id, all right. Only it looked like this..


Yes, that is the exact same file – size and all. Most scammers just accept this – they don’t even open the file. The odd scammer will make an issue of it and want to get you to send a bigger file, but that does not really happen too often. So I now have about 100 files that look similar to that, all ready and waiting for the scammers to ask.. :)

The lads often put in similar effort, and today seeing as I was looking for that file above, I thought over the next week I would share with you some of the more hilarious things they have sent me. Today, a couple of photos that lads have sent me which are supposed to be pictures of them. You may click on these for larger images and amusement. :)




– and some of the things I have sent back to them.. Starting with one of my favourite lads, Mr Alf Olds. Here is some Back To The Future style scaring I did to him.

I have sent you two emails this week with no reply. I know you have read them.

I have now put a curse on you, that if you do not reply to me and tell me what the situation is with the deal you will begin to get very ill. I am sending you this photo that shows you it has started already. When you fade out of this photo completely, you will die.

You have 48 hours to get back to me.

I am ready to travel to South Africa this week. If you are ready and have the balls to do the deal. I have a great amount of doubt in you now. Show me you can be trusted.


He did not reply, so I sent him an email that said this –



He still didn’t reply, so as I recall, a fellow baiter and I called him and yelled at him a bit, or something.

funny, scambaiting

This just in from a scammer..

Put down that drink, don’t be eating anything when you scroll down. Just trust me on this one. It’s perfectly work safe, but may induce hysterical laughter..

We have a lad that a bunch of people on scambaits are baiting, he claims to be a police detective in Nigeria and he can get our money back that we’ve been scammed out of. So we’ve asked him to track down some of our favourite scammers for us.

Of course the lad I asked about was the lad I first baited because as I mentioned here there is just something about the lad you bait first. And knowing this detective guy is just a scammer trying to get money out of me, I thought I might try and get a little something out of him first. So he told me my scammer was in jail, and I asked him to go over there and take a photo of him, and once he’s done that I’ll pay him for his expenses, and also to find me a lawyer and stuff.

He told me ok, he would do that, and on the 13th he said he had a photo but he could not seem to attach it. I’d say he’s been working pretty hard with photoshop since then, in order to create the following..

Are you ready for this?

No seriously, are you?

Scroll down

You’re sure you’re not eating or drinking anything?

It’s just, I wouldn’t want you to choke or damage your monitor or anything.. ;)

Ok then.. here it is.. ;)


Worst. Photoshop. Ever..


And I was all ready to go to bed, it was just one last check of the email, and the minute I saw this I laughed out loud for about ten minutes.. :)

This is why I scambait. You never know what hilarious thing is going to come to you as a surprise next..

funny, scambaiting

Highway Sex Change..

Conversation this morning on Skype with Sephy

Sephy says: i just took a look at that link you sent me
snoskred says: you did?
Sephy says: since when is it the “princess highway”?
snoskred says: rofl ;)
snoskred says: since they gave the prince a sex change? ;)

The link I sent him was to the Rural Fire Service website about a fire that was close enough I could smell the smoke. It said –

The south bound lane of the princess highway has now been reopened.

The Princes Highway runs right down the South Coast of NSW.

They’re busy fighting fires and stuff, a spelling error is forgiven instantly but still funny. We locals all knew what they meant. And apparently non-locals too, seeing as Sephy is in the US. However he is the exception to the rule, he’s an Aussie In Training. I’d sent him the link last night but he wasn’t online at the time. He often logs in to be bombarded with a page of links and associated babble from me. ;) That’s because we’re not online at the same times since daylight saving started.

When I smelt the smoke, I came back here and logged onto the RFS website right away. What a fantastic service that is, that if you smell smoke you can find out why within instants of clicking onto a website. I’m going to add a list of links to the fire service websites around Australia in my sidebar when I get a chance.

I was going to sleep smelling the smoke and thinking of the poor animals caught in the way of the fire. It’s burnt out a fair chunk of bushland. Here’s hoping many of them got out of the way.

Fire has become quite a fear for me since moving here. Back in Adelaide we never really worried about it. This is a major difference between city and country. I find it’s been on my mind since it started warming up here, and I check the RFS website daily.

Because I’m not a local when I look at the current incidents I often don’t know where they are talking about. I have to look them up on maps.

country life, funny

I got some email..

A scammer I am baiting sent me some photos. I’ve posted them on the scambaiter blog. You can see them here but be warned, he’s in his underwear.

Speaking of half naked, when we went down to Pebbly Beach there was this chick kneeling down on the ground taking photos of the birds landing on her relatives, showing us enough of her crack that I felt like I could see what she had for breakfast. I am serious! It was a very inappropriate amount of crack to be showing. Inches and inches of crack!

My uncle says to me.. Don’t forget to post that letter… and it took me a minute or two to get what he meant, and then I could not stop laughing. And he kept going, he was saying to my parents “Have you got any letters you need posted?”

I am tempted to get a supply of small coins this summer, and anytime I see a crack I should put a coin in it, see if I can do it without the crack-shower noticing.. ;)

I’m a bit busy today so in the meantime here’s a pic of a lady (not the crack shower) being attacked by birds at Pebbly Beach..


family, funny, New South Wales

Time for a laugh.

So yeah, it’s been a bit of a bad week in blog world. People missing out on jobs, people saying goodbye to loved pets, and various other unpleasant happenings.

I’ve actually had a fairly reasonable week here, with the exception of –

  • not being able to find my good paintbrushes and sequins,
  • not really having any clue what I want to do with myself now even though it seems my parents are happy to pay me to stay at home, bait, blog, and watch Dr Phil and Oprah.

So today to have a bit of a laugh, I’ve been looking for some funny stuff I can link you to, or post myself, and I found this list of Carson Kressley quotes. I really think he’s funny. :) Or perhaps you’re in the mood to create your own Darkly Gothic poem? You might want to make a madlibs.

And take a look at this blog post by my mate Sephy over on the scambaiter blog which contains the most hilarious email ever written to a scammer, in my opinion..

funny, scambaiting