Planning A Caper

Untitled - 50
Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman celebrating the awesomeness of magnets.

One of the reasons I am such a fan of Breaking Bad is the fact that so much of the show is what I like to call “Planning a caper”. As in, making crime plans.

While 99% of the capers shown on the show are things I would never, ever, not in a million years attempt, there are two local capers I would consider planning, if I were at all inclined towards being a criminal.

Of course, the fact that I am sharing them here tells you everything you need to know about whether I would actually do any of these things. I’d need a personality transplant, plus, installation of a more criminal bent of mind, plus, for one of the capers, I would need to be more physically fit.

If I could commit a caper, these are the ones I would attempt.

Caper One

Within 2km of where I live, there is a field where they do athletics. They have a speaker system there. It is very, very loud. Starting around 8am on weekend mornings, an announcer starts making announcements. This goes on all day. One of the two regular announcers has taken to calling the races, like you’d hear if you were watching a horse race. It is disturbing to everyone who lives within earshot. That is a lot of people!

To fix this, I would need to plan a caper. It would likely involve “casing the joint” first – then some climbing of fences in the middle of the night – never going to happen! – and then, if possible, the cutting and removal of speaker wires. Sadly, my feeling is this would not disrupt the noise for very long.

Caper Two

caper1
They installed a new roundabout here recently. It is the only roundabout in town where you can turn right from two lanes. The amount of times I have seen someone nearly get themselves killed turning right from the left lane..

One day someone will get killed there, and then I’m gonna kick myself for not actually going ahead with this caper – which would involve going out in the dead of night and painting the turn right arrow out with black paint. Like this –

caper2

I’m thinking summer would be the better time to do this particular caper so that the paint would dry faster, however, there are some major problems with this – most problematic would be the fact that the roundabout is on a high traffic road, even in the middle of the night. I’d need some witches hats, and maybe a yellow flashing light, a high vis vest, and a ute type vehicle.

The Breaking Bad Caper

So what is the 1% of caper from Breaking Bad that I would attempt? Magnets. In the first episode of the 5th season, a laptop has been impounded by the police as evidence. That laptop happens to contain some incriminating evidence, so Walt, Jesse and Mike plan a caper. And thanks to Sony posting two videos on youtube, you don’t have to watch the whole show to see it. Here is a discussion of the possible caper –

Here is a test of the caper, which features one of the most epic Mike Ehrmantraut lines of all time, including Miller time.

And here is the actual caper itself. The music makes this all the better.

bitches, country life, television shows

Here we go again..

leaders

Please to explain how Bill Shorten is even an option on this poll, news.com.au. Bill Shorten is not a member of the Liberal Party and even if he were to get ALL THE VOTES there is no possible way he can become the leader of it! You might as well put Ronald McDonald on the form as well..

Look, there is zero doubt that Australia adores Malcolm Turnbull. The guy says what he thinks and it has cost him dearly at times, rather famously costing him the leadership back in 2009. He will always be known to Q&A viewers as That Guy Who Wore The Leather Jacket That Time.

The Australian Media are all in a tizzy, they love this kind of stuff *so* much. And it will run 24/7 until Tuesday, I’m certain.

Do the public love it? Having worked at the past few elections I have heard many comments from people who are forced to show up and vote, and the general theme is, I’d rather not have to vote for any of these idiots.

I had a few people tell me they’d prefer to “blow all those bastards up” which is a very Australian statement. Non-Australians might not understand how that can be an Australian statement, but this was a catchphrase here for many years thanks to The Kingswood Country. AKA – “Somebody/someone should blow [current object of annoyance] up!”

Some people advise they would prefer to urinate on them than vote for them. I’m deeply appreciative that these people are willing to express their apparent fondness for golden showers with a random like me handing out their voting papers, but the germophobe within me says, ew.

I also deeply enjoyed the drawings of genitalia on the ballot papers, though I did not understand why people drew such small penises on such a large canvas. Were these self portraits? Use the whole ballot, peoples, it is enormous. Have a look at the size of the largest ballot here – Australia’s Compulsory Voting System; Is It Good or Bad?.

In general people were vastly unhappy with all the uncertainty around Kevin Rudd and the Labor Party, so they are unlikely to be huge fans of these same issues in the Liberal Party.

With that said, the last federal election was a very clear middle finger to the Labor Party and I suspect the only reason the Liberals got in is due to the fact that they were not Labor. EG I’m voting for these people because they are not THOSE people. Nobody seemed to like Tony Abbott then, and nobody seems to like him now.

For what it is worth – there is an upcoming election in NSW and they are looking for staff if you live in NSW and you want to give it a try, click here for more. I’ve worked elections a few times and have enjoyed it enormously. :)

Aussie Culture, bitches, elections, politics, work

Shit Bitch

In our family, when someone acts shitty for no apparent reason, we have a word for that.

Shit bitch.

Well a pretty shitty thing happened to me today and the person who did it is now, in my opinion, a certified shit bitch..

Two days ago, I spent an evening wrapping 30+ presents for fellow staff at work as well as 8 team leader/manager presents.

For the 30+ presents, I made a Xmas lolly bag. It had chocolate and various other lollies in there. Each gift had a tag with the name of who it was for, and that it was from me.

There is one person at work who I do not have a problem with, but she does not like me. I have no clue as to why. I have only ever worked in her presence three times for an hour each time, and nothing happened during those shifts which explained her anger, bullying behaviour, and nastiness towards me during those shifts. I barely know her, and she barely knows me.

I did raise her behaviour with my manager because it was not ok, we have to work as a team, and it was supposedly “handled” but to be honest on the one shift I worked with her since then her actions towards me had not changed, so rather than complaining about her behaviour I just have avoided being placed on shifts with her up to and including swapping shifts or saying no to shifts when I could easily have worked them.

I could have – and briefly did consider – leaving her out of the gift giving. But my thought is if you do it for one, you do it for all. You don’t leave someone out. It isn’t cool, in my opinion. And I thought how she would have felt to see everyone else with my gifts and not to get one herself – this is not something I would be happy about and I would never do that to anyone else. It is not who I am.

So yesterday I took the stuff to work. Everyone who was not there, I placed the item in their pigeon-hole.

When I arrived today, I found that this person had put their gift into my pigeon hole.

I honestly can’t believe that a grown woman (she is in her late 50’s maybe early 60’s) would act in this childish and immature manner. If she did not want my gift, she could have thrown it in the bin and I would have been none the wiser. But to deliberately reject it in this way.. and make such a big point of it..

I have no words.

I will keep taking the high road on this. BUT.

There is a but. And it coincides with an announcement I have not yet made here on the blog. About 2013, and me, and work, and stuff in general.

I am declaring 2013 the year of *me*

I’m not going to do anything which interferes with my happiness, mental health, wellbeing, fitness, or me in general.

I am going to focus on the things I enjoy, the things I love, the things that keep me healthy and well both mentally and physically.

So in this situation it means, I am going to make some changes at work. And you know what? People might not like that. I have always been flexible and bent over backwards to help out when people were sick or they needed extra hands for whatever reason. For the majority of the time all it has earned me is the occasional good work.

And yet, when they “handled” this problem I was essentially told they are running a business and they cannot make sure that I am never rostered on with this person, and we have to be professional yada yada yada. Which I always was, and this person never has been yet!

Well guess what? This person works a specific regular shift on specific days. Our times on shift would only ever overlap by an hour. To make sure we are not rostered on together *is* something I can do, and it *is* something I will choose to do in 2013 though it will mean being less flexible with my shift times.

Because 2013 is going to be a year in which I do not put myself in positions that cause me angst and rob me of sleep.

I’m saying no to it. ;)

Annoyed Snoskred, bitches, taking the high road, work

Focus On Me

Sometimes my life is not what I want it to be. :(

For a long while there things were going great at work – I had a boss who was awesome though strict and you always knew where you stood with her. And if you had a problem and took it to her, she sorted it out. Usually within a week of going to her with the issue, it was fixed.

Now I have a new boss whose performance has been.. wait let me find the right word.. Nonexistent? Imaginary? Ineffective?

I’ll give you a quick example of this. When she first took on the manager job, she had everyone into her office for a one on one chat. I raised an issue with her that I felt was a problem – we did not have a policy on how to deal with X situation. She agreed with me that this was a problem and said “Leave it with me, I’ll get a policy together”. That was in August. It is now December and absolutely nothing has happened, even though I have reminded her several times and she asked me to send her reminder emails about it.

This is not the only issue I have gone to her with only to have nothing happen. There have been several instances of inaction.

On top of that, she sends out these emails which are negative, uninspiring, unclear, and cause unpleasant gossip in the work place.

She’d sent out an email about the internet policy a few weeks ago – saying we had all signed this policy when we started working there, and we were not allowed to go to sites not work related. This ended up with

– a team leader going around monitoring screens and telling people they could not go to sites that *were* work related

– staff telling clients they could not look up information for them because they were not allowed to access the internet!

– a lot of upset people after one of the staff members recollected the policy we all signed included instant dismissal for looking at non work related sites

– the manager who sent out the email gave permission for people to play solitaire on the internet and that is the only non work related thing they can do

– the manager then had the team leader go around and tell people to hide the solitaire screens if any of the “management” people walked in.

So after a lot of whinging and whining and discussion, I decided to put my own neck on the line and go in to let the manager know what was going on. I mentioned all of the above things. The manager told me that she did not intend for people to take her email so literally and that how it was interpreted was not how it was meant.

She said the reason it was sent was because some people were posting things on Facebook from work. I told her that as far as I knew, people do that from their phones, on their breaks. I have never seen anyone access Facebook from their work computers.

She said and I quote “Why wouldn’t anyone else come to me and talk to me about this”. She told me to encourage others to come to her and discuss it, which I said I would do, and I did – because when I say I am going to do something, I actually do it.

She told me she would send out a clarifying email (she did not).

She told me she would talk to people one on one about this (she did not as far as I know).

It has been several weeks since this happened and nothing has happened.

I have struggled against this for a good couple of months now, this lack of action when issues are raised. After all this time, I have come to the following conclusion.

I officially give up. I surrender.

I go to work, do my job, then I leave. I’m not going to pay any further attention to the other stuff. I’m not going to try and improve things. I’m not going to go in for pointless meetings with someone who does nothing – and if I get pulled into the office for any kind of meeting, I am going to do one of two things – keep my mouth firmly shut, or let the manager know I think my saying anything is pointless and I’m not going to do it anymore.

I’m going to cut back to less hours after the holiday season, too.

My problem is that I grew up in a family business. I tend to take work a lot more seriously than other people do. I also think issues should be addressed head on, quickly, and things sorted so they do not fester.

I can’t keep fighting this like a fish caught in a net. It robs me of sleep. It exhausts me. I waste too much mental energy on things that I cannot control. No amount of my time is going to make anything different. I have tried and it has not worked.

It is time for me to focus on me.

bitches, work

Please Excuse Me. I Must Bitch. Cheese With Whine Here.

Today seems to be Day 109 of the evil flu from hell, though I know it cannot truly be that long. Time is passing so slowly in this unwell state of being. The little things are beginning to irritate. This is going to be a rare negative post. Normally I try to keep the positive on here at the blog.

Bear with me. I support ya’all when ya’all snark it up from time to time, so support me in my snarkiness. ;) And then at the end I talk about politics, which ensures this will be a post everyone will hate.

Houston, We Have Neighbours.

Actually we got neighbours a while ago, I just never mentioned it here on the blog. They are not at all what I hoped for. I had hoped for people who might be friendly, people who might say hello, perhaps people we could become friends with.

What we got is elephant feet. These people STOMP around like elephants. Unfortunately because all the units must be sitting on the same concrete base? It sounds like they are walking right down my hallway. It is freaking me out. It is like having ghosts or something. I don’t even know how anyone could stomp around like that all day – it must be bad for their joints. Can anyone say hip replacement in later life?

I’ll be sitting here writing, the STOMP begins, and I turn around expecting to see.. I don’t know.. maybe a catwalk model doing a fierce walk, or some burly security guard – or even the other half arriving home. Then I remember what the noise is. They’ve been here for about a month now and I still haven’t got used to the STOMP. As yet I have been very good. I have not STOMPed back. But after this week I am tempted. Maybe I need to STOMP so they can realise how noisy it is?

We saw them in their driveway when we arrived home last week. The Other Half went out to get the mail. No hello. :(

Paid Post Insanity

I’ve been having some trouble with a few blogs in my Google Reader. It’s like this. I subscribe to what seems to be a rational, friendly, excellent blog written by an interesting blogger. Then they get accepted into Pay Per Post and suddenly go from posting once per day (or 2-3 times a week) to posting 5-10 times a day. The quality of posts goes from wow, I really enjoyed that post to cringe worthy stuff. I try to keep up. I try to tolerate it.

I write to the blogger and let them know I am feeling overwhelmed. Most other people would just unsubscribe but I try to let them know what they are doing can drive off their readership. Unfortunately most still keep posting insane amounts of posts, even after that. ;( I don’t get that. If you drive off the readers your alexa ranks go down which means you can’t keep being paid. So you might be raking in the cash right now but later you’ll be left without readers and without income.

Don’t get me wrong, I support a bloggers right to be paid for their posts. But I believe more than 3 posts in one day is too many. If you’re hitting me with more than that, don’t expect to keep me as a reader much longer. I’m sorry. I just can’t keep up and the content quality isn’t good enough to make me desperately want to, either. And I’m a fast reader!

The Australian Elections

Oh, someone stab me in the forehead with a fork already. There is nothing I dislike more than a blogger who seems to believe that one political party is better than another one, that their candidate for PM will change the world, make lives better, and fix all the pain in the world simply by getting elected. Good, reasonable bloggers that I usually love reading have apparently lost their minds in the midst of apparent hysteria that their chosen messiah KRudd might be elected.

They have forgotten that 90% of the voters turn up at the polls and think “Am I all right?” If yes they vote to keep the government. If no, they vote for a change. They don’t care about war, poverty, green issues, or the ugliness of one leader VS the other. They are selfish. They care about themselves. Issues, schmissues. Polls, Schmolls. They have a right to be that way, and they each get a vote to do with what they want. That is the reality of elections where everyone is FORCED to vote. These people would not bother to turn up on polling day if voting were optional.

So bloggers, please note. Nothing makes a reader cringe more than someone saying things similar to “Labor is guaranteed to win” “KRudd is our next PM” etc. This assumes facts not yet in evidence. And if it turns out to be wrong, you’ll hate yourself for having said it. It’s like you’re putting a jinx on. If you want Labor to win you don’t want to be putting the jinx on.

A Positive Note

There is only one good thing about elections. There is only one man I would ever consider a God of Politics and a politician he ain’t. I’d vote for him though. I look forward to election night and spending the evening with him. I’ve seen him on TV a few times already and he has me all excited. Antony Green is an intelligent man who can make an election downright sexy. I wish you had such a man in the USA, my American friends. Do you?

I wish the one we have in Australia would sit down to have some decent glamour shots taken of himself because I can’t find a blog worthy photo. I’ll try and get some screenshots on Election Night. This time two weeks from now I will be preparing myself for the evening of such incredible televisual delights from the ABC election coverage that one gets to experience once every four years on Federal Election Night. Fellow fans of Antony Green will agree – we do not hold elections often enough!

Aussie Culture, bitches, politics, potential disaster

The Worst Year At School

When I was 9 years old, I was very excited about the next school year. Two weeks before school starts they would put up the lists of which kid was in which class. There was a teacher who I adored and I had been assigned to his class. For the next two weeks, I was floating in a happy daydream of the school year ahead of me.

On the first day of (Grade) Year 5, I was nervous and excited and I had butterflies. These had settled down somewhat by 10:30am, which was recess time. I happily headed out to play, not knowing what unpleasantness was looming like gathering storm clouds.

When I returned to the classroom, the headmaster was in our room and he said “I need these 5 students to follow me to my office”. My name was one of the 5. Not knowing what was going on, I was very surprised to find my Mother waiting in the office, with 4 other parents. We were told as a group that the Sunney Twins had enrolled late – on the first day of school, and this meant they had to do some shuffling of classes.

The five of us were considered the most “brainy” in the class, so they wanted to bump us up to make a Year 5/6 class. The tears began not long after this – for all five of us. None of us wanted to change classes but our parents were then told – in front of us – that if we refused to change classes we would be expelled from the school as they would be unable to fit us in as students.

Even worse, we would be made to do homework – Year 5 was the last year of freedom in this country back then, Year 6 was when they started sending work home after school. This made me fall to a crying lump on the floor and not long after that I was utterly hysterical.

The headmaster was not impressed or sympathetic, and he said we had to go to our new classroom now. The parents told him to wait until the kids had time to get used to the idea, or even let them take us home and start fresh tomorrow but he was stony faced and said no. All five of us were still in tears.

I do not recall anything about leaving the office but I do remember right in front of my new classroom there was a fence. When I got near it, I grabbed on to it for dear life and refused to move any further, crying, screaming. When the headmaster came over to dislodge me from the fence, I kicked him square in the face. Yes, you read it right, ladies and gentlemen. I kicked the headmaster in front of all my new classmates. This I did not live down.

The girls in the new class were pure evil. Beeyotches of the highest order. I hated all of them – and they hated me equally as much. I only had one friend in that class, my Chinese best friend Ellen. We tolerated the other three only because we were forced to stick together – they were boys and therefore not the kind of people we hung around with. Everyone else was an enemy.

Even the kids I used to be friends with became distant – we tried to play with them at recess and lunchtime but they were talking about things that happened in their class and we were not included in that – we had not been there. The frames of reference were completely different.

Homework was an enemy too. I refused to do it at all. When the teacher gave me homework assignments, I would scribble all over the page as soon as she gave it to me, grade it myself with a fail mark and hand it back to her with a smirk.

Mother was called in many times to discuss this, and she was enlisted in the war to make me do homework – so she soon became an enemy as well. I felt she should have told them I wasn’t going to do it and they should not expect any of us year 5’s to do it when nobody else in the other Year 5 class had to do it.

I remember many nights where she made me sit in my room until I finished my homework. I never did any of it. Not once. I would just sit there and scribble holes into the page. I was so angry. With her, with the school, with the beeyotches, with the inferior teacher I hated, with everything. I believe now this is the point at which I just gave up on caring about success or good grades – I hated everything about school. The only thing I liked was reading and the minute my Mother would leave the room, I would open a book and escape.

Mother said to me years later that she felt she should have taken me out of that school that day – I wish she had – but she didn’t know what was the right thing to do. The results caused long lasting effects in my school life, my relationship with her as a parent and my personal life. My grades went downhill and never recovered. I became angry with being smart, and decided I would simply refuse to be smart. I ignored maths completely because that was supposed to be a smart subject – and four years later in Year 9 I failed maths because I never had that solid grounding in the subject.

I was one of the brightest kids in that school but I decided to become unbright. You know what they say about use it or lose it? I lost a lot of my skills in various areas. Art was another one. Sport was when the year 6 kids got to push us around and beat us up without getting into trouble and they took great delight in it so I found excuses not to play. I began to put on weight as a result of this – and the long nights spent refusing to do homework when I should have been out playing with all the other kids my age.

The next year, I thought we would be placed back in our normal years – but no. They put us in a split 7/6 class – the five of us who clung together like rats on a sinking ship, and the same people I’d hated for the last year. This caused already shaky friendships to become non-existant with the students of our year level – so the following year when we were all in the same class, the five of us were outcasts, ignored, and teased.

This post has been a Hump Day Hmmm post. Feel free to join in the Hump Day Hmmm anytime!

bitches, embarrassing stories, family, growing up

Please don’t read my mind, I tell the truth to me.

I’m actually pretty exhausted because I got up early this morning and went off to pick up a ute from 100kms away, then I came home and did a lot of housework. I managed to do all my wiping over jobs in one afternoon! I really feel like taking a nap. This will be a good thing because it means I’m too tired to engage in verbal slanging matches, or eyeball gouging out. ;) I may not be back online tonight but I’ll try to drop back and let you know how it goes. If I don’t fall asleep upon my arrival home.

I now know why guys want utes. Honestly, driving that thing was the most fun I’ve had in ages. I can’t find the cowboy whoo hoo song which accurately describes what it was like to drive it, but this song might give you a clue. It’s a great film clip too. Fun for the whole family! I’ve been meaning to post this one for a while.

Oh, our new car has arrived at the dealer, but we can’t pick it up till next week. I saw it today. It’s beautiful.. ;) Neither The Other Half or I have said anything, it’s going to be a complete surprise..

bitches, cars

Grr

The next door neighbours dog has been barking solidly for three hours. Over the last few weeks this dog has started to become an issue, barking more and more, and often just at nothing but the sky for no apparent reason.

What does one do when the dog won’t stop barking? These people must be totally drugged out not to hear it and be out there yelling at the thing. The other half seems to be managing to sleep through it even though the sound of the airconditioner does not cover for the barking at all. I do not know how he’s doing that. When that dog starts up, unless I’m already away with the fairies, there will be no sleep for me. It’s times like those you pray for a *loud* airconditioner because at least that blocks out the noise.

When we were out yesterday there were many city people around and it was hilarious yet scary at the same time. I can’t believe it’s only a year ago that I was a city person myself.

I saw some people with Cocker Spaniel dogs, have you ever known anyone to be bitten by one of those? I haven’t but I guess it can happen with all kinds of dogs.

I’ve played a little of this entropia universe now, it’s kind of fun but I’m not as into it as the other half is.. ;)

Annoyed Snoskred, bitches

Real nice..

An anonymous user just left this comment –

On behalf of the entire Whirlpool community, let me tell you straight up that we consider you to be an ABSOLUTE waste of space and oxygen.

Please, do us all a favour and seriously consider topping yourself the next time you are near a tall enough bridge.

It’s the only hope you’ve got in your miserable life.

Well, guess what. Just to annoy you further, I’m NOT going to top myself. And, I’m going to stay on Whirlpool. And, you can shove it up your ass! ;)

This is probably because I got a little publicity today.. Jealous much? Perhaps not capable of achieving anything in your own life? I’m not even going to delete your comment, it just shows how lame you are.. you don’t even have the guts to say who you are! If you’re going to say something like this at least have the balls to say who you are.

Plus, you have no idea who you’re messing with, I’m a scambaiter mate, I have already tracked you to your ISP.. ;) Shall I report you? Would that make your day? Is that what you want?

If any Whirlpool users are reading this and you don’t feel the same way, perhaps you want to let this fuckwit know he’s not posting on behalf of the entire community? ;)

Sorry guys things are going 100 miles an hour right now, more later.. :)

Angry Snoskred, bitches, people talking about you

It is entirely possible

that the real estate woman who is supposed to be inspecting these premises will in fact leave bundled up in a rolled up carpet in the back of her vehicle.

I don’t think I blogged about this when it happened back on the 6th, but the woman turned up here to inspect my house at 11am that day. She’d sent me a letter saying the 6th originally, then soon afterwards a new letter arrived saying the 13th, so that was when I was expecting her. Not the 6th, when I was actually fast asleep when she arrived, and the house was not clean, because duh I wasn’t expecting her.

She has a key to the property. I heard her insert the key into the door. For some reason, she did not turn the key, and she left. Then about 3:30pm, I got a pissy voicemail message saying she came here for the inspection and she was “Unable to access the property” – hello? What, couldn’t she manage to turn the key? Was some magnetic force dragging her back to the car? WTF? And the tone of her voice, well I was ready to rip off her head and you know.. leave her running around like a chook with its head cut off.

So I did not call her right away, I calmed down first, with coffee. Then I rang, at 4:55pm, and was put on hold for about 10 minutes, then she gets on the phone, I say who I am. She has the tone, again. She says “When would be a convenient time for you” and the dripping sarcasm on *convenient* almost pushes me to start treating her like I talk to the 419 scammers. However, I have to be nice, right?

So I say “How about Wednesday the 13th of December?” “I actually am not doing any inspections that day” “Oh yes you are” “What do you mean?” “I have a letter here telling me you would be here on the 13th. That’s why I was not expecting you today, on the 6th.” She loses all her pissyness, crumbles into a little ball of “I don’t know how that could have happened, it must be a mistake, the letters are printed automatically”. So we arrange the inspection for today, between 10am and mid-day.

It’s now 15 minutes left till mid-day, no sign of her, and the longer she leaves it the more pissy I get, and the other half is home here with me today and he is starting to get scared. He suggested not long ago that I go for a walk, or take the car and go *shopping*. By myself!

Ooh, the doorbell rings.. back later.

Edit to add – that was the quickest inspection in the history of man, she was here less than 5 minutes. I tried to stay in here. :) So now we can go out, yay!

bitches, renting