So, I scheduled 2 posts for one day a couple days ago, well done me. :)
I’m having a really tough time at work at the moment. As far as I am concerned, I am going in for my second to last shift ever tonight. And just by doing that, I am giving management bullets for their gun with every single call I take.
By the time you read this, I’ll have been there for a good couple of hours, and I’ll be counting down the minutes till I can leave.
It is an awful way to feel. It is an awful place to be. It takes every last millimeter of willpower within me to drive there, get out of the car, and go inside.
I’ve taken pretty much everything I own home already.
There is a meeting set for next week during which I fully expect to be fired, perhaps for making a joke, or for doing my job correctly but having that mis-interpreted by someone who has never ever done my job.
Imagine – whatever field you might work in – me, who has never done your job and knowing nothing about your job, coming in to sit in judgment of you. Or not me. Imagine it is some random you pass in the street.
The one good thing about todays shift is – it will be the last time I ever work with someone (possibly 2 someones) I truly despise. This time, I might even say some of the things which have been festering inside me out loud, in front of other people who know those things I have been thinking. That might feel good.
I’m just letting myself wing it now – not making any plans and not really caring much about the outcome because I’ve already made my decision. I don’t want to work there anymore. I’m ok with not working there anymore.
After six months of being a fake shell of who I am, too scared to say anything for fear I would be fired, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it *will* happen. Now, I’m gonna be me, whether people like it or not.
I’ll have more to say about this here, once the meeting is over. Or maybe I will just make one post, let it all out, and then move on. We’ll see. Play it by ear. Wing it. :)