In fact, I kind of enjoy hearing your process and how you frame things. It’s such a different view from mine that it is almost polar opposite. You are very much a pragmatist, and there’s a needed place for that. And I am glad you are having a good influence on people.

As for the rest of the message, there’s much to be said… but not here.. and not now. It’s better we let that go (speaking of letting go… LOL)

Peace to you,

~Chani

Snoskred
http://www.snoskred.org/

“When a warrior realises he can do something which he previously could not do, that thing itself has not changed. What has changed is the warrior’s view of himself.”

“Warriors do not win victories by beating their heads against walls, but by overtaking the walls. Warriors jump over walls; they don’t demolish them.”

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.”

Glad to hear your friend is seeking help. Good on both of you.

Suburbanhen – I’m sorry for your loss, thank you so much for dropping by and commenting at such a time, I really appreciate that. I’m back to one coke a week, and I’ll probably end up somewhere like one a fortnight, one a month. Well done for getting there!

Emily – Thanks – I appreciate that especially because I have felt like I have been enabling this person to stay where they are at times.

Chani- I can’t disagree with you more. If I did what you suggest, this person would still be in that dark cave of depression years from now. What makes it worse is the ability of those who are depressed to hide it from everyone else.

When I was really, really down, only my online friends knew it. One of them took an extraordinary step – he called my parents and told them what was really going on with me. I hadn’t had the guts to do that – keep up appearances, you know. Pretend like everything is just fine. Nobody’s depressed. But I was really in a bad place and I probably would not be here today to type this if not for my friend making that call.

I think you might be speaking of me trying to help you rather than this specific situation. I don’t know why you would say it about either situation given that me saying that so many times and then someone finally backing me up on it has started you on a process you have been needing to make of your own. Would you have preferred to keep going around in circles with that cycle?

I don’t expect my friend to do it on my time table. Like I said, I’ll do anything I can to help and I don’t care how long it takes as long as they are taking steps towards getting out of that depression. And they are now. This post was what they needed, the catalyst.

I really am so thankful for your comments everyone. I am even more thankful that today my friend made it to see a doctor. Hallelujah.

Your friend is not going to perform on your timetable. If you are weary of hearing the process, that’s perfectly valid… and you have the right to back off. It’s not your job to take someone else’s journey.

I’m just really reluctant about the concept of “fixing” other people. There are too many considerations involved, including belief systems, coping styles and abilities… People are too complex for quick fixes.

Just my two baht…

Peace,

~Chani

Exactly — that’s the difference between a friend and an enabler.

I love water. Welcome to the team.

Some people just have a very hard time putting plans into action. They get caught up in who they are in the moment and don’t see who they become.

I don’t know how you make someone see who they can become. I’m not sure you can. You can point them in the right direction. And keep doing so.

Or you can simply refuse to discuss this particular situation. Be there for everything else but not this one thing. You know?

I agree that the best person to rely on is myself, but this friend is one of my backbones, someone who I would hate to let drown. I’m certainly not going to let them drag me under, but I’ll give getting them out of that water a good try before giving up completely.

Joh – I said some things last night which were really tough for me to say. I’m hoping that helped to get the message through.

Re the teenage girls thing – I’ve seen that effect happen in workplaces too. Negativity can be like a cancer which spreads through a workplace.

River – it was a horrible place to be. I would not wish it even on my worst enemy, which is why it is heartbreaking to watch someone you care about very much stay stuck there.

Christine – out of everything I have done in my life, going through that depression was the hardest. And I’ve done some pretty tricky things.

Also Julie, re the judging. The only person who I think should be judging is Judge Judy. She’s very good at it. She has her own TV show especially in order to judge people. When I watch her show, I usually agree with her no-nonsense statements and sayings, but I leave the judging to her.

So much trouble in this world is caused by making judgments. Therefore, I avoid it as much as possible.

If I see a pattern, I speak up, but it’s not intended to be a judgment. It’s intended to show someone else what I (and possibly others) are seeing. Sometimes when you’re in the middle of the forest you can’t see that you’re walking in circles.