You remember the old myth that when you move house you should put butter on the cat’s paws? Here’s a tip – this can lead to experiences you were not exactly expecting. My jaw is on the ground right now, I do not joke.
The Big Kitty LOVES butter or margarine to the point that if you take the container out of the fridge she can hear it from anywhere in the house, and she appears like magic.
You cannot leave bread buttered around here. If you turn away, when you turn back she’ll be licking the butter off the bread. You need eyes in the back of your head, ya’all.
So the other day I made myself a tasty sandwich snack and I mistakenly left the margarine container out on the counter. While I was in here reading blogs and doing stuff, I heard some funny noises out there in the kitchen. I just figured those kitties were chasing each other around. As they do.
When I eventually made my way into the kitchen, I found the big kitty had knocked the margarine container onto the ground, at which point the lid came off. What happened next I cannot be sure as I wasn’t there and no video camera was recording, but there was margarine *everywhere*. On the floor, on the cupboards, on the dishwasher, and there were these buttery kitty paw prints that went from room to room. And, the big kitty was wearing what can only be described as butter socks. Only they went way up past her knees. More like butter stockings, really.
I cleaned up the mess (do not ask how long this took) and threw the margarine out. When The Other Half got home he was looking for the butter and came in to ask me for it, at which point, I lied. Because I was busy! I was in the middle of stuff and I didn’t want to get into the whole sordid buttery tale. And I knew she’d be in trouble. So I said I didn’t know where it was and he should use cream cheese instead. He turned the fridge upside down looking for the butter and I came out just as he was replacing the last items in there.. at which point I broke down laughing and had to tell the truth.
Now, today, he asked me to make him a cake. Now that big kitty is really in for trouble. It said grease and flour the cake tin, which I did.. I left it on one counter while I got on with making the cake. I turned around to find that big kitty attacking that cake tin with gusto and her little pink tongue.. it’s so cute, there’s little tongue marks all over the place..
I’ll be in trouble too, because instead of making his cake I couldn’t resist coming in here to blog about it.. ;)
We get our car tomorrow.. ;)
10 thoughts on “The big kitty – post 450”
Your cats sound hilarious!! I’ve always liked cats because they are so independent…and yours are a perfect example…licking margarine and cakes!!
I had a good chuckle over this (in a nice way of course). Very entertaining.
I’d laugh—and I am LOL b/c it’s *your* cat in *your* house—but this is my everyday, many times over between the cats, dog and kids.
This is without a doubt the most painfully insipid shit I’ve ever read. Your opening paragraph put me into a state of horrified awe and with each word that followed I wrestled with my guts so as not to lose the half a bag of bacon I had for breakfast.
Your stupid cat is a fucking idiot and you’re a liar and a coward to boot. You should have it put down and your husband should divorce you.
I can’t remember how I got here
Peter – thanks! ;)
Julie – yeah it’s not quite so funny when you have to clean up the buttery footprints.
Eric – We’d have to get married first. Thanks for your rather unpleasant comments. How interesting that your blogger profile doesn’t exist. Easy to criticise others when nobody is reading YOUR work, isn’t it? When you get a blog, drop back and let me know where so I can shit all over your comments section.. Hopefully you’ll forget how to get back here. Doesn’t seem like you have a great deal of intelligence.
Thanks ya’all for the comments, yes even you Eric for wasting the time that you did.. :) Perhaps you should stop wasting oxygen too? Here’s a tip, take one deep breath, and hold it.. keep holding it until I say stop.. keep holding it..
keep holding it..
keep holding it..
…..The big kitty is a bacon fan as well, she’ll eat your share in future..
keep holding it..
keep holding it while I go for a drive in my nice new car. To Sydney. From the South Coast. If you’re not from around here, that’s a couple of hours there, and a couple of hours back. Soon you’ll lose consciousness but don’t worry about that. It’s just a short nap. Which you’ll never wake up from. By the time I get back, your face will be almost the lovely shade of electric blue car that I wanted to buy.. ;)
Oh, and fuck you. Not literally, because I sure as hell ain’t that desperate. ;)
The site is loading much faster. Very nice.
Re: cats and butter? Definitely worse, although less expensive, than my dogs feasting on almost every shoe in my closet one day (years ago). My husband came home, went upstairs and said, “Honey, did you put all these shoes in the dog bed?”
Why would I do that? The little booger had put just enough teeth marks into just enough shoes to wipe out almost my entire shoe collection… but I still loved him!
Dog. Singular, not plural. Oops!
Mary-LUE – I’m really thrilled with the blog at the moment, though I usually have a love hate relationship with the templates.. :)
Eric – Oh please, o great one, show us your blog. You stunning master of everything Linux. I happen to have a linux server here, you know. You’re not the only talented one.
Keep holding your breath..
Did I mention we’re not leaving for Sydney until Sunday?
Too cute !!!
You know, I once found tomato sauce catprints all over my apartment.
Jackal, thanks for dropping by! ;)
Emily – I had a cat who used to love tomato sauce.. ;) similar to the butter incident. In fact she also loved cauliflower. Odd. ;)
Thanks for the comments ya’all!