The absence of malice.

21. April 2007, 1:01 pmUncategorizedSnoskred

This one goes out to someone, you know who you are.

This one was inspired by Chani’s post here, and Chani I hope you drop by to read this.

The other half and I are survivors of a war. If you had to name the war, it would probably be called Custody Fight 758342798579342890875830947209358793412. These wars happen every day in our world.

When you become involved in such a war, it is *easy* to look at everything the other side does with war-coloured glasses on. You interpret things said, things not said, things done, things not done. You can get all bent out of shape over absolutely nothing at all. You begin to see things that are not there. You see malice in every word spoken. You *hear* malice in every word spoken.

Time goes by. The war ends. You think you have put it all behind you. You didn’t actually *do* anything to put it behind you, you just think it’s in the past now. Then you get a phone call. You get a sms. You get something which reminds you of the war you fought, and an incredible RAGE wells up somewhere deep inside you. You see malice again.

In order to actually let something like this go, you have to actively work on it. I’ve done this over the past year on a couple of other issues, when people have treated me in ways I did not much like. I’ve tried to show those people that I’m not seeing malice when it comes to them, in fact I have forgiven them, but unfortunately some of those people are seeing malice when it comes to me. There’s nothing I can do about it. Hopefully they will work through it in their own time. I hope so because regardless of what they think about me, I hold a great amount of respect for them.

I have still not worked through all the issues from the custody war. All it takes is one sms, one message, one reminder that the woman who put us through hell still exists on this planet and that boiling RAGE rises up, and I have nowhere to put it other than to bury it again. I have tried to forgive her. I have tried working through it. I just have this hate which never seems to go away.

This rage is my achilles heel. How do I let it go? How do I weed this one out of my garden?

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2 comments:

  1. thailandchani, 21. April 2007, 13:38

    A wonderful, honest post. :) I can understand your feeling of violation and why that woman would bring rage out in you.

    There is only one solution, in my mind.. and you might not like this.. but you have to find compassion for the person she is. She obviously made a bad decision in insinuating herself into your life in an unwelcome manner ~ and I can only surmise the circumstances.

    Imagine what that is like. Imagine what it would be like to be a person who would make a choice like that.

    That might give you a little glimpse. No one, and I mean no one, can be a content, whole person and do something that would so deliberately hurt another. That comes from fear.. from a belief that there are no other options.

    I’ll be curious to know your opinion…

    (And, yes, I took your advice. :)

    Peace,

    ~Chani

     
  2. Wendy, 23. April 2007, 5:40

    Figure out where your rage is and who it’s affecting. Is your rage doing anything at all to the woman in question?

    Odds are that it isn’t.

    Forget feelings for a moment and go with the cold hard math: rage has zero benefits and consumes way too much time and energy.

    You already know how to weed it out.

     

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