Now what?

I find myself in an odd position that I have not been in for quite a long time.

I don’t have anyone to hate right now.

This is a strange place to be, because I’ve had someone(s) to hate most of the time, pretty much since high school. And hating is actually a lot of fun, kind of. You get to make up nice little daydream fantasies of getting your own back, of sorting them out, of them being shown what they have done is wrong, and in one memorable case (my current partners ex wife) of the myriad of ways you could dead them. Personally. I’m not the kind of person who likes to send other people to do my dirty work, truly! If there’s blood to be spilt, lets get it on my hands.

But eventually, you build a bridge, and you walk over it, and then you’re left with an empty space. What daydreams can we fill it with? It’s easier to hate than it is to have pleasant little daydreams. I know this now. And once you have built that bridge and walked over it, you can’t go back. You can’t be thinking of daydream fantasies of people you once hated but now just don’t trust at all and would rather have nothing to do with them. It’s not possible.

So I find myself standing on the other side of the bridge with no hate in my heart. Instead there is sadness, regret, and a wish that things could have worked out differently – yet at the same time, a happiness that people were shown to be who they really were before any more time was invested and wasted, and a true gladness that I’m no longer blinded – I can see these people for who they really are, and what I can see is pure ugly to the core.

I’ve put this in the category of Angry Snoskred, but I am actually not angry – I am the opposite of Angry. I don’t have a category for Happy Snoskred yet! I have now created one.

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4 thoughts on “Now what?

  1. Hate just leads to suffering… Yoda said it, so it must be true :)

    Personally, I am not a big fan of holding anger and hate in my heart. Sure, I say, ‘Oh, I hate that’ in a trivial way, but to sincerely hate a group of people or a single person takes a lot for me. All it has ever gotten me in the end was more frustrated…

  2. I work myself up way too hard if I do the hate/argument daydreams. I usually end up daydreaming about my current celebrity crush or getting superpowers or alien coming and scientifically/magically fixing everything wrong with me/us/everybody. Weird, huh?

  3. Snoskred,

    I have a lot of time to myself at the moment (self-imposed) and believe it or not I’ve been able to fill up my time with pondering a variety of ridiculous Seinfeld-esque scenarios.

    It can be done.


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